Magnificent Obsession
Those of you who keep up with news events may have heard that the NASA astronaut, who attempted to harm her romantic rival, asked a judge to allow her to remove her global positioning bracelet, which alerts the police when she goes out of bounds. Based on what I know about this woman, I do not recommend that the judge should allow her to be allowed to roam free. Obsessors like her do not get well quickly without treatment. They have followed people for years and eventually done harm to them, even killing them. There is a crime called stalking that sends people to prison here in Georgia because people who obsess and follow other people usually do harm to the other person. A skilled therapist can often reach an obsessor and let them realize that their picture of reality is delusional, rather than being the gospel truth.
My understanding of the obsessive’s profile is of someone who had a difficult childhood, often including abuse, either physical or emotional. They might have had a parent who was emotionally unavailable or perhaps available in an on again / off again manner. They tend to be attracted to people who have the same emotional availability as the unavailable parent and get obsessed with the idea of making the new substitute parent love them consistently. When this new substitute parent rejects them, it causes a fight or flight response, which can bring out the latent murderer within them. In the case of the NASA astronaut, the murderous rage was directed at the woman who presented the threat of taking away the substitute parent. This person represented a threat to her imagined security and happiness and deserved to die. Fortunately, the attacker was only successful at spraying the ‘ threatening rival ‘ with pepper spray. The attacker was equipped with a steel mallet, a knife with a four inch blade, a pellet gun, rubber tubing and several large plastic garbage bags.
What these obsessors need is for a skilled therapist to point out to them why their past experiences attract them to the wrong people and that they should realize that these feelings of being threatened are not based in reality, but in delusion. An obsessor can sometimes realize that the way that they feel is not based on what’s really happening, but on a recreation of a deep seated childhood scenario that was never resolved in childhood. An obsessor can sometimes realize that they should not react to the changes in brain chemistry that are triggered by being rejected by someone. Save those changes in brain chemistry for the burglar that tries to harm you in the middle of the night. Obsession is not magnificent at all !
I.C.